JOIN THE CULT OF WALRUS – OR DON’T. SEE IF WE CARE.

Alright, sunshine, let’s get one thing straight:

You probably shouldn’t join the Cult of Walrus.

You ain’t got the minerals for it.

You’d rather spend three quid on a limp supermarket sandwich than get your hands on exclusive, one-of-a-kind art straight from The Big Man Tragic himself.

But if you do sign up—if you prove you’re not just another time-waster sniffing about—you’ll get your mitts on creations from:

  • The Elementary Penguin

    The Elementary Penguin

    Mysterious. Uncompromising. You wouldn’t understand.

  • The Corporation T-Shirt

    The Corporation T-Shirt

    Ruthless. Mercenary. Too smart for you.

  • The Expert Texpert

    The Expert Texpert

    Knows things you don’t. Accept it.

  • Stupid Bloody Tuesday

    Stupid Bloody Tuesday

    Unhinged. Disrespectful. Absolutely essential.

WHAT DO YOU GET?

For just £3 a month (less than the cost of being an absolute mug), you’ll receive something physical, something real, something delivered straight to your door in March, June, September, and December.

Not digital nonsense.

Not a lousy email newsletter.

A tangible piece of the Cult—something you can hold, something that proves you get it.

WHY SHOULDN’T YOU JOIN?

You like bland, soulless art.

You think ‘exposure’ is an acceptable form of payment.

You’d rather waste money on nonsense than invest in something legendary.

You’re scared of commitment. (Big shame, that.)

If any of that sounds like you—jog on.

But if you’re smart, if you’re one of the few who actually get it, click the button below and get yourself in the Cult.

JOIN NOW OR REGRET IT FOREVER.

Regards,

Eggman

The Cult of Walrus
£3.00
Every month

Eggmans FAQ

  • You’re signing up for art, sunshine. Real, exclusive, one-of-a-kind stuff from The Big Man Tragic and his crew. Not some mass-produced tat—this is the good stuff. You get a physical delivery every March, June, September, and December. If you have to ask why that’s worth £3, you ain’t ready.

  • Yeah, course you can—if you’re a quitter. But once you leave, don’t come crawling back saying you made a mistake. We don’t do second chances for wafflers.

  • Oh yeah, mate, we spend all day scamming people out of £3 so we can buy half a pint. Use your loaf—this is real art, real deliveries, real membership. No fluff. No nonsense.

  • Then your taste is rubbish, and that’s a you problem.

  • Blame the post, not us. But if it happens, give us a shout—we’ll sort you out (maybe).

  • Nah. You knew what you were signing up for. Life’s about risks, and this one’s a bargain.

  • You can, but then you’d be giving away exclusivity like a mug. Keep it secret. Keep it special.

  • Because it ain’t for everyone. It’s for the ones who get it. The few. The enlightened. If you have to ask, you ain’t one of ‘em.

Now, stop asking silly questions and

JOIN THE CULT.